Bass Jokes

DMVBASS.com
D.C, MD and VA

How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, you just get the keyboard player to do it with his left hand!

What is a fretless bass good for?
About thirty yards if you use both hands.

What do bass players use for contraception?
Their personalities!

What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist's arm?
A tattoo.

What's the difference between a bass and an onion?  Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a drunk bass player?  You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why do some people have an instant aversion to bass solos?  It saves time in the long run.
How does a bassist's brain cell die?  Alone.
What do you call a bass player that only knows two chords?  A music critic.
What do a fretless bass and a lawsuit have in common?  Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Why are upright basses like elderly parents?  Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
How many bass players does it take to pave a driveway?  Seven - if sliced thin and you lay them out correctly.
How are a bass solo and a blind javelin thrower alike?  Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist's car?  Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
What do you call a bass player with a college degree?  Night manager at McDonalds.
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
What's the first thing a bass player says at work? "Would you like fries with that?"
There were two people walking down the street. One was a bass player. The other didn't have any money either.

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